"at large"

all this time instead of hating you, i tried my best to understand your situation and what

you've been through in the past... that's the only thing that keeps me from taking your selfish

actions towards me, personally.

(i still want to believe every time you hurt me, it was not intentional, even if i always catch

you in your unguarded moments always threatening to kill me, abandon me or get back at me

viciously - especially when you feel i'm the one to blame why you are miserable at the moment...

you always make your past, and other people accountable for your misfortunes, instead of looking

at things on a higher perspective and take criticisms constructively....

you keep doing the same mistakes because you do not acknowledge you made a mistake, you just

pretend to do so to avoid confrontation or stop someone from talking

Do not expect others to forgive you if you yourself look at what you have done as something

unforgivable.

The only person who thinks people are looking down at you because of what you did is you.

Maybe some people will do, but they are not in any position. No one has the right to look down

at you for your mistakes because they themselves are not perfect.

Your wrong doings in the past (and those you are about to do in the future) will not undo any of

your accomplishments...

You must accept the fact that the people who love you will not stop loving you for making

mistakes so there is no reason to deny that something is your fault..

The reason why you cannot win anyone's trust is because your apologies aren't sincere...

cause if you really acknowledge that you are wrong, you will not take it against them if it will

take time to forgive you or believe in you again... you will just continue asking forgiveness

with closed ears to whatever bad reactions may arise because they are hurt.

Do not be too hard on yourself, it's normal to be wrong most of the time. Forgive yourself. This

will make it easier for you to accept that you have been wrong.

be larger than the situation.

you made the mistake, you are not the mistake. so you are in control to make it right.

Be proactive. You make the good vibes. Don't look for it from others or worse blame other

people's so called "bad vibes" for your misfortunes or wrong doings. They won't have all these

"bad vibes" in the first place if you did not hurt them or let them down in the past.

Again, do not be too hard on yourself about this. You maybe tired, but other people are too.

So don't take it personally if they nag.

Ignore.

Do not lace effort with emotion.

Just keep working. Guilt and feelings of not being trusted will drag you down, so ignore it.

I am very happy because in a few days a lot of your big problems will be over.

Yet I am worried because your heart is full of guilt hate and anger towards people whom you feel

never be of any help. I wish you get rid of these feelings.

You already are successful and on the way to being more successful.

You don't need anyone's approval anymore.

Vengeance is lame if you will be dealing with people smaller than you... so small they could not

stop themselves from making you feel you are a nobody, but they don't matter.

The only sad news is that most people who refuse to believe in you are the people closest to you.

This could be because you remind them of their insecurities, they need someone to look down to

so they can live in their make believe world that they are better.

The fact that you are near makes you an easy target.

Learn to ignore them.

For these could also be some loved ones who are too attached and refuse to believe that you can stand on

your own because they feel there is so much they still can do and will not stop at anything to

always be present in your life, even if they hurt you unintentionally each time they make you

feel you are no good without them so therefore you will always need their help.

Again, ignore them lovingly.

There. I hope I have made myself very clear. Some of the points I said here are no longer new

but instead of looking at it as a nag, just take it as a reminder.

I am sorry for being grouchy.

Don't take it against you, it's just so frustrating that because of this very bad situation that

we are in, you were not able to keep any of your promises.

You are on your way to going back to the wealthy life you once lost.

Me, I have always lived a simple life and I am contented...... but all the things I have worked

hard for are gone now.

I have worked hard to have a place I can call my own, a job that can help me afford to be with

the little things that makes me want to wake up in the morning - my family, my music school, my

cats, my friends... they are all gone now because I have been too involved in your situation.

I have worked so hard to make sure I can afford even a small room where I can pick my nose

anytime I want. but Even my privacy / personal space is gone now.

They say when you love someone, you give them all permission to hurt you.

I love you, and I am very hurt at the moment.

So forgive me for being grouchy.

I know you have lost quite a fraction of the affection you used to have for me because of these

mood swings, Yet I can't blame you because it really is not your fault.

Just ignore me.

If you really love me, you won't make me feel guilty about anything that makes me whole..But then who am I to define what love is and to measure if you really do? What we have is larger than that and I love you more than anyone and anything in this sick sad world of lies, manipulation, jealousy and revenge.

We are larger than that.

-mnesarete phryne 11/25/2010