from "diary of a scab eater"

a scab is a wound that has not completely healed

never make tungkab a scab, just let it peel off by itself

kase if you kalkal it too hard, the wound will become deeper

and the scar will be permanent

-yvette scattered light on "diary of a scab eater"

untitled 2002 school project (duet)

I

unattractive unacquainted

unconsidered unacknowledged

uncomplaining unclear unnoticed

II

don't you find it superficial

how could people be so civil

what was civil? being "plastik"

III

i was never liked

i couldn't fit in anywhere i go

someone tell me

why is everyone fading so soon

IV

listen close i won't be here for so long

i was likely to give up one day

i never want this

but you don't want me here

do you know just what I am saying?

V

listen now i know just how you're feeling

you feel alone but I have always been here

you may not notice, we've always been here

VI

(i was never liked, i couldn't fit in anywhere i go

someone tell me why is everyone fading so soon)

that is not so true, if you can't fit in anywhere you go

there's no need to ask, when everyone's fading so soon

VII

Stop crying lady

Just call on His name

With every teardrops He'll be with you

The Lord will guide our way

VIII

It is too late now

I am blinded by depression

Lately I am thinking the only cure

is to end my life one of these days

(repeat III and VI)

...we'll stay with you

untitled 2002 school project (solo)

unattractive unacquainted

unconsidered unacknowledged

uncomplaining unclear unnoticed

don't you find it superficial

how could people be so civil

what was civil? being "plastik"

i was never liked

i couldn't fit in anywhere i go

someone tell me

why is everyone fading so soon

listen close i won't be here for so long

i was likely to give up one day

i never want this

but you don't want me here

ugly life ahead (jan 15 2010)

i saw a playful cat ROLLING OVER in the middle of the road!

No it isn't roadkill - NOT YET.

im fuckin itching to pick that goddamuderfuckin DUMB cat!

Why does it have to be that STUPID!

Makes me empathize how my real friends feel about me
when I am being like that you know, THAT stupid.

Why can't that fuckin cat just stay on the sidewalk?!

Then I figured out it's a STRAY one and it isn't very cute

so most likely nobody will like her

so this means she will just have an UGLY LIFE AHEAD so like me, she's better off DEAD.

ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION

I am a fan
Turn me on
I think it's hot


You choose me from about a
dozen fans from the appliance shop
Not because I am the coolest,
probably because I am the cheapest


You can make me rotate so you can share me
with your friends
but what I really like is just go steady with you


I can get really dirty sometimes
I like it when you clean me up


CHORUS:

Soon you can afford a better fan or an AC
When that day comes I wouldn't mind sitting on one corner
Loving you from a distance like I always did because

I am your fan
You turn me on
I think you're hot



Lately I've been smoking and making this funny noise
I know when I get faulty, this will leave you no choice


If all I was now is an eyesore to your house
I'm better off sold or dumped in a junk yard


CHORUS:

Soon you can afford a better fan or an AC
When that day comes I wouldn't mind sitting on one corner
Loving you from a distance because

I am just your fan
You turn me on
I think you're hot



Goodbye to you my not anymore proud owner
You know I love you more than anything else in this house
But I have to respect your decision
I sometimes wish I've never been"manufractured" at all


I will never spin again, not for anyone else
You're the only one who can turn me on
You're the only one who can turn me on


It hurts so bad I wanna disintegrate


I am your fan
You turn me on
I think you being hot is an understatement


I miss you
but words are cheap and you get a lot of these
so it's very hard for you to comprehend how "industrial" my love is

When you try to be the hero, you end up in someone's hell.
When you try to be the villain, you realize how lame you are
If neither concern nor hatred fills you in,
What the fuck is socializing for?

OF EATING DISORDERS AND MANIC DEPRESSIVE EPISODES

I maybe anorexic but my running thoughts are fat
Usually they impair me
But now they introduce me to something interesting
Quite an observation...

Maybe I don't really have an eating disorder
Maybe I am just broke

A lot of my friends complain that I am always talking about my problems
I also find people who does that same thing I do annoying

But right now (putangina gutom na gutom na ako)
I realize I had been only vocal about LoVe PRoBLeMs c",)
I always fall in love with men who are out of my league that's why I always end up
being rejected and then I will start to wallow in misery about not being good enough blablabla

BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS
WE'RE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THAT NOW

I just want to introduce you to my recent observation.

People have different problems - LOVE, MONEY, CAREER etc.

A person could be very vocal in an obnoxious way about LOVE problems and at the same time
be very quiet about his MONEY or CAREER pressures.

A person could be very vocal about his MONEY problems and at the same time just laugh at
his LOVE or CAREER pressures.

A person could be very vocal about his LOVE, MONEY and CAREER problems even if he actually has none.

A person could be very vocal about how he finds people who were vocal about their problems ANNOYING.

A person could go the extra mile to help another person

A person could be very vocal about wanting to help another person even if he has no plan of actually helping

I find it funny how different people react to a downer situation.

The reason why I put this observation in writing is because I want to apologize to the people who find me annoying each time I bombard them with my thoughts of suicide each time a guy rejects me.

I also want them to appreciate the fact that I am the kind of person who goes the extra mile to help them in whatever situation they are in even if technicaly we are not friends yet because I have just met them.

And lastly I hope they realize sometimes I don't eat for days but I am not very vocal about it.

When it comes to that shit, I keep my freak to myself because even if you all think I don't, I still believe people have their own problems and mine is for me to solve - not to be shouldered by others.

I only wish I could be the person who is very vocal about MONEY and CAREER problems and at the same time be quiet about LOVE pressures.

..because honestly I could use some help with the former

..but the latter is most of the time always hopeless.

(PUTANGINA PUTANGINA GUTOM NA GUTOM NA TALAGA AKO AYOKO PA RIN TUMANGGAP NG PAGKAIN GALING SA MGA NANLILIGAW NASAAN BA MGA KAIBIGAN KO HINDI AKO MATUTUWANG KUMAIN PAG ALAM KONG YUNG NAGBIBIGAY UMAASA NG KAPALIT)

or maybe I just really don't want to eat.
Maybe I really have an eating disorder.
I remember being depressed when I gained a little weight.
Maybe I like this.

But I hate being broke because I like helping my friends when they are broke.
Can you imagine how worthless I feel right now

I might end up giving my bed expertise again to anyone because I have nothing else to offer
I am just a nuisance

My sweet Lord, where are my friends?
I need to be locked in a room where no one can enter

I think my satyriasis is back :-(